A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."

A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car and the car in back of me."

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.

"No, no, no!" insisted the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

During a poker game, Carl, Jim, and David lost pretty bad to Serge who took all their stuff (money, watches, other stuff people bet with when they run out of money). and they are pretty angry about all this, so Carl, Jim and David go and rob Serge's house that night, looking for all the stuff Serge had won from them. while they are robbing Serge's house, Carl stubbed his toe on one of Serge's championship trophys. Serge hears this and asks "is anyone there?" Carl, Jim, and David all panic and hide in a dog house, a cat house, and a potatoe sack respectively. so Serge goes to the dog house and asks "is anyone in there?" and Carl goes "woof woof". so Serge goes to the cat house and asks "is anyone in there?" and Jim goes "meow meow" so Serge goes over to the potato sack and goes "is anyone in there?" and David goes "potato potato"

A little boy ran away from home and a cop saw him and said "Hey little boy, what are you doing?" The little boy replied "I'm running away from home." The cop asked him "Why are you doing that?" The little boy replied "Because my dad beats me." The cops says "Oh, well get in the car and I will take you to your mother's." And the little boy says "No, no! She beats me too!" The cop says "Do you have an uncle?" "Yes but he beats me too", replied the little boy. And the cop says "Get in the car and I'll take you to your grandmother's then." The little boy says "No, no, no! My grandmother beats me also." The cop says "Well little boy, is there anywhere I can take you where nobody will beat you?" And the little boys says "Take me to live with Michael Waltrip because he can't beat anybody."

It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.

The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers.

"Are you Mr. Stovall?" they asked, He admitted that he was.

"Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he.

"And what did you do then," the troopers asked." The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.

"Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage.

"May we see the car?" asked the troopers. The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage.

Inside the garage was the state troopers car.

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!" The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing. And I didn't stop."

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.
"Stanley," responds the little boy.
And what is your question, Stanley?"
"I have 4 questions:
First,why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 46 million Americans don't have health insurance?"
Suddenly the recess bell rings.
Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says,
"OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand.
George points him out and asks him his name.
"Steve," he responds.
And what is your question, Steve?"
"Actually, I have 6 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth,why are we so worried about gay marriage when 46 million Americans don't have health insurance?
Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And what the hell happened to Stanley?

An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.At the french customs desk,he took several minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag."You have been to France before monsieur"? the customs officer asked sarcastically.The elderly gentleman admitted he had indeed been to France before."Then you should know enough to have your passport ready".The American said "the last time I was here I didn't have to show it"."Impossible.Americans have always had to show their passports on arrival in France"!The American gave the Frenchman a long,hard look.Then he quietly explained,"Well,when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country,I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to"!